Understanding the True Value of Marriage

The key to marriage is, of course, the content, not the form.

However, many people, when facing marriage, often prioritize the form over the content.

The marriage certificate obtained at the time of marriage only proves the legal identity and relationship of the two spouses. It has nothing to do with how the two people feel about each other or whether they can bear responsibility for each other.

Therefore, marriage cannot protect emotions, and it cannot even compensate for emotional injuries.

This is a reality of the marriage system: what sustains a happy marriage based on emotions is not the marriage certificate, but the responsibility and commitment to each other. To achieve a happy marriage, investment is necessary, not just emotionally, but also financially, and in terms of time and energy. However, these investments are incalculable, especially emotions. Even if they could be calculated, once the relationship ends, these investments are basically irrecoverable.

So, the question is, why do so many people, in situations where the relationship has completely broken down and the marriage is no longer happy, still refuse to divorce? An important reason is the unwillingness to let go of the past investments without any returns. Many people persist in maintaining the form of marriage, hoping that someday their efforts and investments will finally bring the expected returns, just like holding onto stocks in the hope of a sudden turnaround in the market. However, this is the stock market, not marriage.

A marriage can meet a person’s three needs: emotional, material, and legal sexual relations. If all three aspects are lost, the marriage has no value or meaning, and divorce can be considered. If any one of these aspects is still present, the marriage may continue.

Many people, when faced with a problematic marriage, are always torn and entangled because while the marriage has lost certain aspects, there are still others that they are unwilling to give up. This is the unresolved puzzle of facing an unhappy marriage.

In such a situation, one must examine oneself. Are the missing parts the ones that matter the most? And are the parts that one is unwilling to give up ones that can be satisfied through personal efforts? This will provide a clearer direction for the marriage.

For example, if material well-being is important, and the marriage can provide that, but the partner has betrayed and maintained an extramarital relationship, then there is a conflict between emotions and interests, and a choice must be made. This is a practical issue.

Another type of issue is psychological. The key to psychological issues is how one interprets them. For example, some people fear being lonely in old age after a divorce, so they are unwilling to give up a marriage that brings them nothing. However, can they consider it from a different perspective? If they divorce now, there is a possibility of finding someone better in the future. Even if not, they can adapt to and even enjoy a single life. Of course, this is just one line of thinking, not a suggestion for divorce.

In conclusion, marriage is just a certificate. Whether to be married or not depends entirely on oneself. The key issue is to be able to live well. If the marriage is happy, then there is no issue of living poorly. But if the marriage is not happy, the key is still whether one can live well.

Ultimately, the conclusion is: a person must have the ability to live well in their lifetime. If one has this ability, then the marriage certificate has no impact. Whether to continue the marriage or divorce, one has the ability to live well. Otherwise, whether continuing the marriage or divorcing, one may not be able to live well in the future.

Some people, after experiencing emotional betrayal, fall into endless agony and entanglement. In the end, they will find that even without divorce, they are still in pain because they cannot let go of the past and torture themselves with the betrayal. Similarly, divorce is also painful because they lack the ability to live well on their own.

This is the fundamental issue.

In terms of marriage, divorce is the same. Do not think that obtaining a divorce certificate means everything is settled. Do not think that obtaining a divorce certificate means the emotional ties are completely severed. Some emotions, even with a marriage certificate, have long ceased to exist, while others, even with a divorce certificate, continue.

So, the fundamental relationship between two people is not a marriage or divorce certificate, but emotions. Letting go of emotions means not being entangled in these problems, while being unable to let go means being perpetually trapped.