No matter how difficult things get, let love determine your way of life. Don’t let fear dictate your life choices.

Recently, I spoke with someone who suffers from anxiety and attachment issues. After delving deep into our conversation, I helped him uncover many beliefs that hinder his relationships.

By never acknowledging and changing these beliefs, he has been stuck in a loop of anxiety and ongoing experiences of abandonment.

In intimate relationships, the biggest fear for anxious individuals is the fear of being abandoned. This belief leads to anxiety and prompts individuals to prove they won’t be abandoned, or to find ways to alleviate their anxiety.

In fact, many people have fears, big and small. We often feel fear in our stomachs or throat. When it is in our stomach, it has a different quality than when it is in our throat. Fear in the throat is related to communication and expression, while fear in the stomach is related to death.

How should we deal with fear?

We shouldn’t try to avoid it or suppress it. Trying to forget about it will only make it more difficult to resolve.

We must accept it.

Like anxious individuals who need love and security, if they don’t have them, they feel fearful.

And that’s okay, it really is!

First, we accept that we lack security and love.

Then, we confront our fears. We can love ourselves and gradually build our sense of security.

In relationships, we just need to express our feelings genuinely, without letting our emotions dominate the conversation. Otherwise, the other person will only perceive your emotions, and not your genuine thoughts. This will lead to misinterpretation of what you are trying to convey!

In any case, we need to calm down and see how our world changes when we do. When one person changes, their relationships with their partner, friends, parents, and even enemies change as well.

You might say, can things really change in such a magical way?

Yes, it’s that miraculous.

You can think of it this way—can you change others?

No, right?

Can you change yourself?

Yes!

The same event, seen from a different perspective, will yield a completely different result.

Just like anxious individuals in intimate relationships, we have two ways of dealing with things.

One is a positive viewpoint, where you see it as a reminder to love yourself, not to base your happiness on others, and to strive for independence. Would you be thankful for this relationship for helping you better understand yourself?

The other is a negative viewpoint, filled with fear, where you see the relationship as fragile and your partner as someone who could leave you at any moment. This leads to self-doubt and self-loss.

So, things aren’t good or bad, right or wrong. The key lies in how important a person’s beliefs are. Approaching everything optimistically and confidently versus pessimistically and self-deprecatingly yields entirely different results.

But anxious individuals can’t be positive, can they? Why?

Because of fear. They fear that if they are optimistic, the result won’t match their expectations. It’s better to be pessimistic from the start, so that even if things don’t go well, it won’t be too surprising.

Some people might even say jokingly, “I knew this would happen, just as I expected.”

Others don’t know why things are this way and remain stuck in their pain.

But many people don’t realize that it’s these pessimistic beliefs that lead to these results.

Then, when things do happen, and you can’t accept it, you keep getting entangled in the issue, unable to move on.

The consequence is that you repeatedly experience these situations until you’re willing to change yourself and approach these situations differently.

Never choose to live in fear. Choose to live with love. No matter what happens, view it from a perspective of love, and you will experience less pain. Fearful thoughts lead to fearful actions, and fearful actions lead to fearful outcomes.

Conversely, loving thoughts lead to loving actions, and loving actions lead to loving outcomes.

Here, love refers to a way that makes you comfortable and is acceptable to the other person, instead of using love as a guise to satisfy your own desires and manipulate the other person to do so.

So, from today, live with love, and live positively and optimistically. No matter what happens, it will have its meaning, and all you need to do is recognize that meaning and accept the gift of growth!