In my opinion, many extramarital affairs are simply disguised casual hookups, not true affairs. Let’s call it “extramarital sex” or be polite and say “extramarital intimacy”.

Men might think it’s no big deal—both parties agree, everyone gets what they want, so why not?

But for married women, their status is crucial. Being called “true love,” “soulmate,” or “confidante” matters more than any material gain. Even if others think she’s naive, she can’t help wanting this recognition!

Why do men care less about status while women obsess over it?

I tend to think from a biological perspective. Despite society’s advancements, we are ultimately bound by our biological limitations. Women bear the brunt of reproduction, facing lifelong consequences compared to men.

Nature wired women to be cautious about sex. It’s a self-protective mechanism ingrained in their genes.

Birth control technology has enabled women to enjoy sex like men. However, deep down, women struggle to separate emotions from physical intimacy.

A relationship needs genuine emotions to satisfy a woman. Love provides a justification for the pleasure she seeks.

Even if true love is absent, a woman prefers to believe it exists. It helps her internally—“I’m not promiscuous” and externally—“I’m willing to sacrifice for love.”

It’s okay to self-soothe or deceive oneself. Both parties are adults, meeting each other’s needs by mutual consent, not breaking any laws. It’s all about personal comfort and mental well-being.

But the real fear? Thinking it’s love when he only sees you as a fling! Others can see it’s just a casual setup, yet you believe it’s true love!

If you ask him to define the relationship, he won’t admit he sees you as a long-term fling. Unless you both agreed it was just a casual hookup from the start, or he doesn’t care if you ignore him, or he’s confident you can’t resist him.

Some say, “We’ve been together so long, it can’t be just a fling. There must be feelings involved.” But remember, even a dog can develop feelings with time.

The duration of a relationship and small acts of kindness don’t equate to love.

Just because there’s casual sex doesn’t mean there can’t be care and emotional connection. It’s all part of the necessary “foreplay”. Animals sniff each other before making eye contact—are humans any different?

You might argue, “Even if it’s not love, there must be some liking.” True, there might be some liking, but it’s not a reason to boast.

Men can easily like multiple women simultaneously, but truly loving someone is rare.

Do you think being liked by a man is a rare feat? Modern women can attract men by dressing well and being friendly—it’s not a jackpot win!

So, how do you avoid becoming a man’s fling involuntarily?

It’s simple—nip it in the bud. Here’s how:

Not all men who flirt are after sex, but those who smoothly escalate the relationship are usually experienced. They might see you as one of their many potential conquests. It’s not about being cynical, but dating in today’s world requires caution.

When a man is genuinely interested, he’ll be cautious, fearing rejection or scaring you off. This is different from the “three nos”—not initiating, not refusing, and not taking responsibility.

So, when a man shows interest, pause and reflect on whether you truly captivate him. Don’t rush in—he may just be testing the waters, looking for an easy catch.

You might think, “I’ll make him fall for me slowly.” Sure, you can try, but keep your expectations realistic. Lower your desires to savor the present. He might fall for you, but post-honeymoon phase, his interest could wane.

Can you tolerate his neglect? Are you content with just physical intimacy, or do you crave a deeper connection?

If he can’t provide the emotional connection you seek, accept the reality.

Stop burying your head in the sand. Accept the situation for what it is:

Either accept it—enjoying intimacy with someone you like without expectations, or reject it—moving on with no regrets.

Don’t be the naive woman mistaking a fling for love, staging a dramatic solo performance.

When will the tables turn? You treat him as a fling, but he thinks it’s love. Ha!

I don’t advocate casual hookups for women, but choosing it over being deceived at least asserts your boundaries.